tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post4744050993233370892..comments2024-01-23T17:14:04.067-05:00Comments on Jaltcoh: 17 online dating profile cliches that women should avoidJohn Althouse Cohenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11703450281424023177noreply@blogger.comBlogger102125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-81165142980439664022009-08-15T10:40:17.289-04:002009-08-15T10:40:17.289-04:00I'm disabling further comments on this post so...I'm disabling further comments on this post so that I don't have to keep deleting spam. If you'd like to post a comment, please email me and I'll temporarily enable comments. (My email is listed in the sidebar under "About Me.")John Althouse Cohenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11703450281424023177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-21008079970369217592009-07-10T01:43:18.273-04:002009-07-10T01:43:18.273-04:00Having a standout personal add will likely give on...Having a standout personal add will likely give online daters avalanche of responses and I agree if an online dater want his or her dating a success he or she must avoid using cliche or worn out descriptions. Thanks for sharing this helpful tips.Thai Girlhttp://www.thailanddarlings.com/i/?a=53noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-21035857368340769112009-06-22T01:14:04.975-04:002009-06-22T01:14:04.975-04:00Regarding Janis's comment in your commment you...Regarding Janis's comment in your commment you put in "In order to make the application more effective requires we provide information so people can make better choices." <br /><br />Whoa Whoa Whoa wait are you using the word application as in like were appling for a job. Dating is to be fun not a JOB!! Application is a bad bad choice word and will turn anyone off. We have jobs and finding people to date/have serious relationships, marriage etc is not a job but the use of application makes dating sound so dreadful!!! Applications is for applying for jobs not applying for a date. Men and Women don't "apply" for dates we chat, get to know one another and go out. The word application should never EVER should be used in any way shape or form for dating, online dating etc..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-81340755525925505652009-06-22T00:50:46.810-04:002009-06-22T00:50:46.810-04:00Women these days use so many specific's on the...Women these days use so many specific's on their profiles that they think it's attractive but actually it's such a turn off and makes women look so unattractive. <br /><br />Like the #10 stating their specific height requirement and being so dead set on that requirement. Saying you will only go for men that are 6 feet tall and not budging. You see this on so many profiles it's like it said why limit yourself to the 15% of male population. No wonder so many women are single because they set way way way to many specifics that it actually turns men off and make you look like your just too much work.<br /><br />The other one on the list #11 "Looking for Prince Charming / my knight in shining armor" you also see on a lot of profiles and is just like what it said your living in a fantasy world in other words La La land. It's just not reality and I think women get this perception from television and their magazines.<br /><br />Like women want their men to be open to possibilities and men want their women to be as open this list and women's profiles just shows how many women are so closed minded and shallow!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-42381646363870848552009-06-09T22:07:00.322-04:002009-06-09T22:07:00.322-04:00hy do you need to specify the type of person you p...hy do you need to specify the type of person you prefer? It's fairly easy to ignore requests to exchange messages on these sites, right?<br /><br />Narrowing your focus in your description is only going to drive away people who you might like that otherwise would have contacted you. Isn't the point of the dating site profile, in a sense, to market yourself to other people?<br /><br />I don't think it hurts to specify the types of things that you might like in another person, but to require certain things just limits your chances of finding someone you'll really like for all their other traits.Jeffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288249086972049838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-10667278214162540132009-06-06T18:48:43.447-04:002009-06-06T18:48:43.447-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-4020017726174765552009-06-06T15:47:30.326-04:002009-06-06T15:47:30.326-04:00NOTE: whites are the least racist or prejudiced gr...<i>NOTE: whites are the least racist or prejudiced group of people around. and they have NEVER been any more racist or prejudiced than any other group.</i><br /><br />Ethnocentrism, anthropomorphized? I never thought we'd meet. But since we have, I'd like to say that this little jibe of yours really (really) cracked me up.<br /><br />Read some bloody history, why don't you.That's Smarmynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-30930001749735693862009-06-06T10:07:53.032-04:002009-06-06T10:07:53.032-04:00I realloy enjoyed reading this blog up to a point....I realloy enjoyed reading this blog up to a point. All of the cliches mentioned apply to the profiles I read about men as well. If I have to read how one more guy wants a women who will jump on the back of his Harley and ride through the countryside... Well you know the rest.<br /><br />The part where I found it uncomfortable was the debate on racism. Racism stems from hate. <br /><br />Whereas having a preference for a tall man, a petite woman, red hair, full lips, long nails, or a passion for baseball is just a preference providing a little (or maybe a lot) of insight into the person's attractions. <br /><br />Having a rule against not dating someone who does not have one of the stated preferences leaves the seeker with fewer choices, fewer dates, and ultimately dealing with the consequences of their decision. It is more a reflection on the condition of their heart than anything else. I do not consider it racism. <br /><br />I had several stated preferences in my profile only to reflect what I know attracted me to someone - in the past. But I would welcome a date with any man once and ask my heart to be open to whatever came of it. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it was a big waste of time (for two people now) not just me. <br /><br />Being 5'11" I CAN eyeball a man who is 6 feet in height, and I too feel more feminine around a man who is considerably taller than that. It isn't wrong, am I don't hate people who don't posses the preference I mentioned. For me, the benefit of online dating is to support effective use of our time. In order to make the application more effective requires we provide information so people can make better choices. <br /><br />Is there anyone else who would like to return to discussing the positives and negatives of online dating profiles?Janisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-25835011075689382962009-06-05T13:38:25.498-04:002009-06-05T13:38:25.498-04:00claiming that white people have never been the pri...<i>claiming that white people have never been the primary oppressors of other races in America<br /><br /></i>Just to be extra clear, your claim of what he claimed isn't his claim. He said:<br /><br /><i>and they have NEVER been any more racist or prejudiced than any other group<br /><br /></i>Whites may have been more <b>effective</b> oppressors (by virtue of demographics and, well, leverage), but that doesn't necessarily imply that they were more <b>racist</b>. It could equally well simply mean that equivalently racist members of other races didn't have the numbers or leverage to translate the same amount of racism into action as effectively.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-17160691768482119872009-06-05T13:31:29.242-04:002009-06-05T13:31:29.242-04:00claiming that white people have never been the pri...<i>claiming that white people have never been the primary oppressors of other races in America is equatable denying that the holocaust happened.<br /><br /></i>The problem with the popular narrative along those lines is that any attempt to make one race the bad guys involves carefully limiting the picture and cherry-picking places and times to avoid inconvenient bits.<br /><br />White guys owned black slaves in the American South, for example. Which were sold to them by other black guys in Africa, who were happy enough to do it. Meanwhile, white guys in the British Royal Navy made an end of the slave trade. Black and white people worked together in the Civil Rights movement. This is a much more complex tangle than said popular narrative allows for, and I'm confining myself to a narrow chunk of space and time.<br /><br />If you actually look at history from a really broad perspective, what you will find is that up until <b>very</b> recently, people of <b>every</b> race and ethny have enslaved, murdered, pillaged, and looted people of <b>every</b> other race and ethny, pretty much every time they thought they could get away with it.<br /><br />I defy <b>anyone</b> to look at the broad sweep history and come up with any conclusion other than "Humans, in general, are utter bastards. Slowly improving."<br /><br />(I would add, of course, that it also depends on whether you factor in ability to follow through. Personally, I don't think morality depends on competence, and thus decline to apologize just because my ancestors sucked less at being bastards than some other guys who would have done exactly the same thing if they'd invented the Maxim gun first.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-86906255442414248702009-06-05T13:15:14.039-04:002009-06-05T13:15:14.039-04:00Anonymous,
the world is not homogenous, and the ...Anonymous, <br /><br /><i>the world is not homogenous, and the mixing of races or cultures is fraught with difficulty and with compromises people may not wish to make.</i><br /><br />The "mixing" of races is not inherently "fraught with difficulty" any more and if you really think it is, we're never going to agree. I'm about as white as white gets -- of Scottish and German descent, born in a small town in Arkansas to parents who grew up in segregated southern towns -- and three of my four 'serious' relationships have been with hispanic men and never -- <i>never</i> -- has race been any kind of issue in my relationship. At all.<br /><br /><i>NOTE: whites are the least racist or prejudiced group of people around. and they have NEVER been any more racist or prejudiced than any other group</i><br /><br />This has to be one of the most willfully ignorant statements I've ever heard issued by someone who previously seemed reasonable and rational. We could have a real discussion of so-called "reverse racism" and I'm sure I would piss a lot of people off because I don't give the concept a lot of merit in any contextl, but claiming that white people have <b>never</b> been the primary oppressors of other races in America is equatable denying that the holocaust happened.summer anne burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277818654592922276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-13594265531097955442009-06-05T10:31:14.207-04:002009-06-05T10:31:14.207-04:00it's disingenuous to ignore racial and cultura...it's disingenuous to ignore racial and cultural differences.<br /><br />the world is not homogenous, and the mixing of races or cultures is fraught with difficulty and with compromises people may not wish to make.<br /><br />i never said it can't or shouldn't be done.<br /><br />people have the right to prefer whom they prefer without someone automatically accusing them of 'racism'.<br /><br />NOTE: whites are the <i>least</i> racist or prejudiced group of people around. and they have NEVER been any more racist or prejudiced than any other group.<br /><br />i'm really sick of charges of 'racism' being leveled in response to every change of wind direction.<br /><br />i stand by my earlier statement: RACISM IS A WORD THAT DESCRIBES A DEEP AND PROFOUND INJUSTICE and it's hardly appropriate to compare personal preferences in dating or marriage partners to 'racism'.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-91553482414784056642009-06-03T17:44:01.343-04:002009-06-03T17:44:01.343-04:00You have spammers in your woodwork? Now that is an...You have spammers in your woodwork? Now that is an omnivorous metaphormoojhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15058523680429827950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-33784832625339882102009-06-03T16:37:20.933-04:002009-06-03T16:37:20.933-04:00The idea that wanting to date someone of your race...<i>The idea that wanting to date someone of your race, or indeed, any specific race, is a heinously racist act, is utterly absurd. <br /><br /></i>I didn't use the word heinous. I defined racism as I was using it in this discussion as meaning 'indicative of a bias against certain races'. You can disagree with that definition if you want but that's really not the point.<br /><br /><i>Expressing a preference for blondes or brunettes doesn't mean you see all people with the 'wrong' haircolor as subhuman or worth less. It's just the way your personal preferences lie.<br /><br /></i>Really? If you were a single heterosexual, attractive, interesting brunette woman and you were interested in a single heterosexual man and he told you that the <i>sole reason</i> he wasn't interested in you was because of the color of your hair, you wouldn't feel slighted in the least? You wouldn't feel like he was saying that blonde women were better than you? You wouldn't call him an asshole later when talking about him? Really?<br /><br /><i>Essentially it seems some of you are trying to do away with personal preferences at all, saying that everyone must find everyone else equally attractive, with no room for individual choice.<br /><br /></i>That is not even close to what I am saying. Obviously you're going to find some individuals more attractive than others, for any number of reasons. Nothing wrong with that. I have a problem with people pretending that their preferences are arbitrary and just handed down to them from la-la land. <b>You have preferences for a reason, particularly one so strong that you would feel the need to identify it in a personals ad</b> -- like preferring non-smokers because you find cigarette smoke incredibly unsexy and it makes you cough, or preferring someone religious because you couldn't relate to an atheist and you want to raise your children with God. And I have yet to hear a single reasonable, normal, non-prejudiced reason why someone would only want to date people of a specific race. <br /><br /><i>Even if it was a hard and fast no-exceptions rule, which I would doubt very much it was, it wouldn't be enough to claim the person was racist.<br /><br /></i>Why would you doubt that it was? If someone goes to the trouble to state in their profile "I am only interested in white people," they don't really mean it? Why?<br /><br />Okay. I feel like this discussion has reached a point where mostly I'm just repeating myself and you guys are repeating differently worded versions of the same argument. <br /><br />One thing I do want to make clear is that I'm not identifying anyone who has a rule excluding certain races from their dating pool as a "heinous" bigot who should be shunned from society.<br /><br />I think <i>everyone</i> has certain racial biases and expresses them in various ways. I just think that this is a prime example of that, and maybe something that people should think about the real reasons behind.summer anne burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277818654592922276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-84336533911108709542009-06-03T16:36:25.155-04:002009-06-03T16:36:25.155-04:00No, THAT'S bullshit. I, too, have dated, lived...<i>No, THAT'S bullshit. I, too, have dated, lived with, entertained etc.. people from many different cultures & races. My large and extended family might now be described as the UN Part 2. And people are still nearly as separated by their cultures and life values as ever they once were by force. To get together in any meaningful way means to embrace, adopt, compromise, tolerate or otherwise live with profound differences.<br /><br /></i>What? The 2nd UN? Why are you talking about people of different races like they're all from different countries? I'm honestly confused. I could not disagree more that two people of different races are automatically "profoundly different" when it comes to their "culture" or "life values." The biggest cultural difference between me and my hispanic boyfriend is that he likes soccer more than I do and his family celebrates Christmas after midnight on Christmas eve. I can't think of any real difference in our values that stems from race. He grew up in Houston, Texas and I grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas. Both of us were minorities in our elementary schools. Both of us had dads that worked and moms that didn't. Both of us had older brothers. Both of us liked baseball when we were little. He was a cub scout, I was a brownie. He visited his extended family in Guatemala and I visited mine in Tennessee. I really, honestly don't see how our racial difference has much bearing on our relationship at all other than that older people of a certain type look at us funny and older people of a certain other type think we're "cute." <br /><br />I'm not saying that there aren't sometimes profound cultural and values differences between people of different races. Just like there are sometimes profound cultural and values differences between people of the same race.<br /><br />I just very strongly disagree that race and 'culture and values' can always be correlated, and I think that's an outdated viewpoint. Maybe if everyone shared this idea that it's perfectly normal and acceptable to never want to date outside your own race this would be a truer notion, but that hasn't been the case in a long time.summer anne burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277818654592922276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-48541761296704930502009-06-03T16:35:15.423-04:002009-06-03T16:35:15.423-04:00When you say it's okay to "prefer" a...<i>When you say it's okay to "prefer" a person of a certain race or height or hair color or whatever, but to make it an absolute rule is prejudice ... (a) What's the difference? In real racism, if I said "I think all Ruritanians are stupid and lazy" that would surely be racist. If instead I said, "I think most Ruritanians are stupid and lazy, but I suppose there might be a few exceptions", would that really be better?<br /><br /></i>Saying that you tend to be attracted to people who have a, b, and c is different from saying that you will only ever date people who have a, b, and c. The first category indicates that, like everyone else on the planet, there are things you tend to like more than others. The latter indicates that you have a real problem with people that don't have those qualities -- you consider them "undateable," no matter how many other good qualities they possess. That's the difference. <br /><br /><br /><i>How equivocating do you want somebody to be? Like, I'd prefer a woman younger than myself. Would I absolutely rule out an older woman? Of course not. But what could I write in a personal ad? Once you say you have a preference, anyone reading it knows that if they don't meet that preference, either you're making allowances, or some other trait outweighed it. I would think almost any preference someone stated in a personal ad would, in real life, be "negotiable" if the other person was highly desirable to them for some other reason.<br /><br /></i>To me, if your preference is negotiable, I don't understand why you would state it as a rule in a personals ad. I don't see why you need to make it an issue at all unless the idea of dating someone outside of your race is really unfathomable to you, and being contacted by attractive, interested women of other races would be a waste of your time and theirs. And, like explained above, I don't see why you would feel that way unless you a. had something against them or b. could never imagine finding them attractive, either of which I'm calling racism.summer anne burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277818654592922276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-18700709784433319182009-06-03T16:34:50.653-04:002009-06-03T16:34:50.653-04:00Surely there's a big difference between saying...<i>Surely there's a big difference between saying, "I want to marry someone who is like myself in this and this and this way because I think that's necessary for us to truly share our lives together," and saying "I hate everyone different from me and think they should all be killed."<br /><br /></i>There is a vast difference between those things. But the question I'm asking isn't whether or not specifying a racial requirement on your personal ad is the same as being a member of the KKK. I just want to know if it belies a racial prejudice, and I'm positing an opinion that it does. Why would someone think that race would be one of the factors that would dictate whether they could be happy spending their life with someone unless they were racist? I have yet to hear a practical, believable reason why someone would exclude certain races other than stereotypes they have regarding that race or this weird idea that it's perfectly normal and not reflective of a prejudice for someone to feel that they could never ever be sexually attracted to a member of another race. If you're a white heterosexual male and you don't find Halle Berry attractive, there's something wrong with your perception of beauty -- and it's probably prejudice!<br /><br />That last bit was a joke. <br /><br />Kind of.summer anne burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277818654592922276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-37418298143518114312009-06-03T12:44:41.690-04:002009-06-03T12:44:41.690-04:00Or is that always going to put a certain group at ...Or is that <i><b>always going to put a certain group at the bottom of the </b></i>[acceptance] <i><b>rate so they're never ever going to </b></i>[get a date?]Meadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00117933390338651739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-62560946660203563952009-06-03T12:07:50.832-04:002009-06-03T12:07:50.832-04:00Would it be racist of me to write, in an ad: Any ...Would it be racist of me to write, in an ad: Any member of a race believing itself to be superior to others need not apply?Meadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00117933390338651739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-20371885479838908712009-06-03T11:12:40.366-04:002009-06-03T11:12:40.366-04:00The idea that wanting to date someone of your race...The idea that wanting to date someone of your race, or indeed, any specific race, is a heinously racist act, is utterly absurd. <br /><br />This thread has gone a long way to convincing me the term 'racism' is dead, as it has been expanded beyond all reason to encompass essentially anything that makes anyone the least bit uncomfortable. <br /><br />Racism has a pretty strict definition, pertaining to believing one race is better than another or that one's race makes you inferior, or that ones race determines one character or intelligence, etc <br /><br />But this is not at all what is going on in preferences about races in dating sites. The person is expressing a <i>preference.</i><br /><br />He is saying nothing whatsoever about the value of one race over another, just that he personally, perfers A. Maybe his best friend pefers B and that's fine. Or his sister marries a C and he's fine with that. <br /><br />Expressing a preference for blondes or brunettes doesn't mean you see all people with the 'wrong' haircolor as subhuman or worth less. It's just the way your <i>personal preferences</i> lie. <br /><br />Essentially it seems some of you are trying to do away with personal preferences at all, saying that everyone must find everyone else equally attractive, with no room for individual choice. <br /><br />Saying "I enjoy this, I do not enjoy that, even though others may" isn't morally questionable or wrong in the slightest. <br /><br />Even if it was a hard and fast no-exceptions rule, which I would doubt very much it was, it wouldn't be enough to claim the person was racist. <br /><br />That would be like saying someone open only to women was sexist. It's just rather silly.Dewavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07118629322603209950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-83682790387540127112009-06-03T08:30:13.917-04:002009-06-03T08:30:13.917-04:00RE:aside from physical attributes someone finds at...<i>RE:aside from physical attributes someone finds attractive, dating someone from another race usually means dating someone with a completely different CULTURE or LIFE VALUES.</i> <br /><br /><b>Bullshit. I've dated plenty of people from races other than my own and none of them had "completely different" cultures or "life values." Do you really think all non-white people have values that are the opposite of your own? You do realize that many people of different races are born in the USA and that schools are no longer segregated, right? You seem to be equating race directly with class or religion, which is, well, racist. Sorry, but it seems contradictory for you to state that people of different races have completely different values than your own and then take me to task for using the term racism.</b><br /><br />No, THAT'S bullshit. I, too, have dated, lived with, entertained etc.. people from many different cultures & races. My large and extended family might now be described as the UN Part 2. And people are still nearly as separated by their cultures and life values as ever they once were by force. To get together in any meaningful way means to embrace, adopt, compromise, tolerate or otherwise live with profound differences.<br /><br />Not everyone wants to travel that difficult road.<br /><br />You're a fool if you deny that truth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-51297623339085133282009-06-03T05:58:24.046-04:002009-06-03T05:58:24.046-04:00How about the "average" or "athleti...How about the "average" or "athletic" body type? And all her pictures basically head shots, you meet for a date and she looks like John Candy in drag.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-41550252545892931482009-06-03T01:52:01.863-04:002009-06-03T01:52:01.863-04:00This post is pretty hilarious because it is all en...This post is pretty hilarious because it is all entirely true. I've looked through match and plentyoffish and haven't found a single interesting profile. How many of these people really travel and hike? An honest profile would just list all their favorite TV shows and call it complete.<br /><br />The messages I've received are pretty pitiful also. Things like just 'hi' or 'I like your pics'. Only one girl actually initiated a conversation by asking a question. I feel like maybe girls aren't used to the idea of initiating contact, but I'm sure guys are just as bad.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08823486073990825919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-52181811196261335982009-06-02T19:15:56.804-04:002009-06-02T19:15:56.804-04:00Oops, in my earlier post, when I said "fellow whit...Oops, in my earlier post, when I said "fellow white girl", I meant, "a girl who is also white like myself", not that I am a girl looking for another girl. That just came out wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4464222071440015933.post-44188023566466060542009-06-02T19:13:43.283-04:002009-06-02T19:13:43.283-04:00Hey, I'll laugh at cliches, too. But in fairness, ...Hey, I'll laugh at cliches, too. But in fairness, how creative do you expect someone to be? It's all well and good to make fun of someone for being the ten millionth woman to say "I like romantic evenings." But lots of women do, in fact, want a man who will spend romantic evenings with them, and how many different ways are there to say that? There's a point at which any more creative would simply make it unclear what you're asking for.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com