These poll results are interesting but should be taken with a grain of salt, as the study was done for Match.com (which has an interest in convincing women that men will commit to them). This is about single Americans, age 21 and up (89% straight, 5% gay, 4% bisexual):
Data show men are quicker to fall in love and more likely than women to want children: 54% of men say they have experienced love at first sight, compared with 44% of women; among singles without children under 18, more men (24%) than women (15%) say they want children.The headline for that USA Today article reporting on the study says: "Men, women flip the script in gender expectation." But does it really flip gender expectations for men to be more likely than women to say they've fallen in "love at first sight"?
And, across every age group, women want more independence than men in their relationships: 77% of women say having their personal space is "very important," vs. 58% for men; 78% of women say the same about having their own interests and hobbies (vs. 64% for men). And 35% of women (vs. 23% of men) say regular nights out with the guys/girls are important.
IN THE COMMENTS: Grobstein has two theories on why "the pop culture story where the man does not want to settle down" would turn out to be wrong:
I think a lot of our cultural relationship wisdom was formed under conditions quite different from now. In the post-war decades, there was a sharp shortage of men — of course men were less willing to commit.Those are both good points. I especially find his second point — about how we tend to focus on certain men because they're more powerful and thus more conspicuous — to be both plausible and systematically overlooked.
The other possible bias is that the stories are about men who, because of their desirability, enjoy a strong bargaining position and may be less willing to commit.
But I added:
On the other hand, it could be that the standard story is fairly accurate, and the study results are skewed. Why? Because straight men and straight women (89% of the respondents) are saying what they think the opposite sex would like to hear.
5 comments:
(which has an interest in convincing women that men will commit to them)
The men need to be convinced as well.
But a statistical fact you haven't considered: most of the people on Match.com haven't successfully gotten someone to form a permanent relationship with them yet. The people with popular points of view have been removed from the sample. You might as well go to Weight Watchers and do a survey on body image.
It is unsurprising that the people still looking for relationships have unconventional outlooks on life. It is surprising that someone would use these people to find out what the majority thinks.
This is interesting and "flips expectations" because it reverses the pop culture story where the man does not want to settle down. Thoughts on why that might be so:
I think a lot of our cultural relationship wisdom was formed under conditions quite different from now. In the post-war decades, there was a sharp shortage of men -- of course men were less willing to commit.
The other possible bias is that the stories are about men who, because of their desirability, enjoy a strong bargaining position and may be less willing to commit.
The men need to be convinced as well.
True, but I emphasized women because men generally have more motivation to try a dating site. Women tend to have more options available and might need more convincing (or at least, I wouldn't be surprised if Match.com thinks they especially need convincing) that there are a lot of stable, eligible singles out there who value commitment.
But a statistical fact you haven't considered: most of the people on Match.com haven't successfully gotten someone to form a permanent relationship with them yet. The people with popular points of view have been removed from the sample. You might as well go to Weight Watchers and do a survey on body image.
To be clear, it wasn't a poll of people who use Match.com. It was a poll of single Americans age 21 and up. "The researchers say the nationally representative survey of more than 5,000 men and women is the largest and most comprehensive study of single adults to date."
You're right that their singleness could present a bias. But I don't see how the study would have worked if that had included people who are married or in marriage-like relationships. You'd get a lot of answers that are essentially, "Sure I'm interested in being in a committed relationship -- I already am!" Or "Well, I already have children!" (Of course, some single people do have children, which could already skew the answers to the children question.) This is all based on self-reporting, so the honesty of the respondents is critical. It's generally accepted for single people to talk about their desire or lack thereof for a relationship, marriage, children, etc., but it's taboo for someone to say, "I'm married, but I'm not committed to my spouse," or, "I have children, but I'm sorry I had them."
Grobstein, those are both good points about why the standard story might be skewed. I'll add those to the post. The second point is especially thought-provoking.
On the other hand, it could be that the standard story is fairly accurate, and the study results are skewed. Why? Because straight men and straight women (89% of the respondents) are saying what they think the opposite sex would like to hear.
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